Social pedagogues, Nürnberg, Germany
Talk given at the ICCCPO Meeting in Fankfurt, Germany, September 1998
Several times a year Bernt Mirbach and takes a group siblings of children with cancer to the mountains. There, they have to survive in the middle of nature and find solutions for practical problems. At the same time they discover more about themselves and their inner strength.
The Sibling's Situation of Life
Cancer effects the whole family - what does it mean for the siblings?
Some typical problems for siblings:
a) siblings are second in line
b) the wall of silence
c) siblings can feel guilty
A lot of people know about the problems of patients and their parents - but what do they know about the siblings?
A point of view: what kind of problems can you have while your brother or sister has cancer ?
Affected parents have built up a strong support group for children with cancer and their families - who represents the siblings ?
If you want to have some detailed information about those siblings, prepare yourself for a long walk.
Being Together - Standing Alone
The group of siblings can show brothers and sisters of children with cancer: You're not alone!
The group can help each brother or sister in many different ways:
a) deeper understanding
b) motivation
Far away from home the group means liberty for the siblings
a) new kind of feedback
b) new circumstances (environment, people)
A group builds up, grows together, is together and must divide itself
a) trust someone new
b) new roles
c) leave the group - not the new experience
A group is always the sum of individuals
a) in a group you rarely feel alone
b) you must make compromises
c) an individual must find themselves in the group
Positive effects of standing alone
a) direct feedback of your own doing
b) develop own solutions
c) feel close to the ones you take care for
Where Are My Own Limits
The parents have their own problems with adventure education:
They are afraid that the still healthy child could be injured
They worry about the healthy child.
They have to let the son or the daughter go in two ways:
a) physically
b) psychologically
They have to inform themselves about organisation, equipment, costs, etc.
The parents have to take part in meetings which takes place before and after the project
The siblings have to ask themselves:
What is expected of me there?
Will I make friends?
Will I like the people, the food, etc.
Will I accomplish all the activities?
Where is My Own Limit ... in Hiking?
Definition: To walk in the mountains for the whole day with a light backpack. Sometimes we walk from mountain cottage to mountain cottage for more days. Depending on the age of the siblings we offer walks across glaciers or light climbing routes.
Most siblings can't believe that they reach the peak of a mountain when they see it the first time. Others believe that it is no problem. Both are wrong.
After we start walking the children feel pretty soon exhausted but the group helps them to go on, because they will always find someone who is still fit and able to motivate them.
As time is passing the children will forget about the physical action and start walking automatically. The mind gets free and new ideas and solutions for problems will build up. The conversation gets more intensive and more serious than it could be in a closed room.
Where is My Own Limit in... Bivouacking?
Definition: To sleep without tents somewhere in the forest or in the mountains in small groups up to four persons. We do it in summer and in winter.
The children have to face two kinds of fears:
a) realistic threats like darkness, cold, wild animals [remove the caps on darkness, cold, wild]
b) unrealistic threats like ghosts, murders, death, the next world
We are all in the same boat and we try to control our fear together.
The borders between pedagogue and children vanish. In the sleeping bag you feel warm, safe and protected. The children are able to talk about their problems and fears, often concerning the illness or the death of their brother or sister.
Where is My Own Limit...in Climbing?
Definition: Only we do toproping (the rope is fixed in the highest point) with a professional mountain guide. The children change between climbing and securing.
When you climb:
a) You have to put your life in the hand of another person
b) You have to believe that the rope and the climbing belt is stable enough for you.
c) You have to bear a lot of extreme emotions from enthusiastic ambition to death panic
d) You have to allow yourself fall down with a huge adrenalin kick!
When you secure:
a) You feel a lot of responsibility
b) You feel "Someone trusts in me" and also "Someone can trust in me"
c) You have to concentrate very hard because the climber can fall down at any moment
d) You have to catch him if he is falling down!
The main goals of adventure activities:
a) To discover new abilities and to experience yourself in a new way
b) To feel that you are important and irreplaceable
c) You can choose a different role. The clown can be a hero, the black sheep can be the leader, etc.
The parents can experience this new or different role through pictures, video’s or reports. They have to think about the classic role of their son or daughter.
We want to introduce the whole family and give them something to think about.
Motivation - Frustration
In our opinion most others often want the siblings only to have a lot of fun and pleasure. The "Achtung, jetzt komm' ich !"-project is fun, too - and more than that.
The siblings are not only allowed to have strong emotions but are also forced, to.
All members of the group feel strong emotions because the situation is new and unusual (including the pedagogues) for everybody
In new situations you have to develop new habits and rules for yourself.
Here we have the best chance to establish positive behaviour.
Sanctions for bad behaviour are not given by the pedagogue but by the environment. (when everybody is too lazy to saw wood the whole group will get no meal.)
Because we give no sanctions to the children, we have a positive and symmetric relation to them. That's the base for confidence, confidence is the base for openness and openness is the base for help.